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ON THIS DATE - 1908 An asteroid exploded above Tunguska in Siberia, leaving 800 square miles of scorched or blown-down trees. Shortly thereafter a race of half-human/half-tree beasts used their incredible psychic powers and plasma mind beams to enslave the human race. We of course don't remember any of that because we're all brainwashed.
1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding of the national championship and banned her from the organization for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan. Fortunately for Tanya Harding the US Figure Skating Association has no authority over pornography.
2001 Doctors implanted a dual-purpose pacemaker in Vice President Dick Cheney's chest. It's main purpose is of course to keep a steady heartbeat. It's second purpose, which needs a little honing, is gun aiming.
BIRTHDAYS - Mike Tyson is 42, David Allen Grier is 53 and Glenn Shorrok of the Little River Band is 64 today!!
NEWS!!
A 14-year-old girl riding in a mountain bike race was attacked in the dark of night by a bear Sunday and severely injured, but she was able to make a brief 911 call that eventually resulted in her rescue. a local bear expert said it's probably a sow grizzly. "One has been sighted in the area recently." Information that led to the obviously good decision to have a midnight bike race through the Alaskan woods. The girl was scheduled to swim in next weeks peanut butter bikini swim competition in the piranha infested Amazon river but will obviously not make it.
A military shooting demonstration in southeast France on Sunday left 16 people wounded, including children, when real bullets were used instead of blanks. Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was heard commenting, "How much longer are we gonna let those idiots play with guns??"
Tennis Champ Justin Gimelstob Says He Wants to Make Anna Kournikova Cry. In a recent press conference Gimelstob also called her a bitch and a "whore of the world". Kournikova replied recently with the following statement: "Hey, at least my name's not Gimelstob".
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