Jack Sass Radio!

WORD OF THE DAY - paroxysm - Any sudden and violent emotion or action; an outburst; a fit. I had one over the weekend when I realized a cat had been locked in my garage over night and pissed on everything.

ON THIS DAY -
1862, President Abraham Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamation, declaring all slaves in rebel states should be free as of Jan. 1, 1863. If memory serves, the rebel states didn't immediately comply. In fact, it took several upper management meetings to finally make it happen...some of them were quite tense.
2004 CBS-owned TV stations were fined $550,000 by the Federal Communications Commission for showing Janet Jackson's exposed right breast during the Super Bowl halftime show.(An appeals court threw out the fine in July 2008 when it was unanimously decided that her breast was not really that attractive.)

BIRTHDAYS -
Tommy Lasorda is 81, Tom Felton from the "Harry Potter" movies is 21 and Johnette Napolitano from "Concrete Blonde" is 51 today!!

NEWS!!
As I was perusing the Internet looking for stories that might warrant a good old fashioned exagerating and politically incorrect chiding, I found such topics as Iran's growing nuclear capabilities, all the sick kids in China from the bad milk, a helicopter that crashed into a house yadda yadda yadda....Then I saw an article about a nude rollerblader in Portland Oregon. I read the headline and kept going, I figured it musta been a dude cuz the sex of the naked perp wasn't mentioned in the headline. With stories like that it's always a dude, weather it be a soccer game or a live tv show...it's a guy with his junk swinging around like a propeller on an old WWII plane trying to start. Thankfully I revisited the story though when nothing in the other stories jumped out at me because it wasn't a dude....IT'S A CHICK!! Ok...but it's gotta be an ugly chick right? Hot babes just don't do that shit. NOPE! Turns out the naked rollerblader is known as "Earth Friend Gen", and she apparently does this all the time. I didn't know this about Portland Oregon, but occasional nude bike rides draw police only for crowd control and shows featuring live sex acts are protected as free speech. Oregon has just become my new favorite state. There is a link on my site at www.jacksassradio.com to a gallery of uncensored photos of Earth Fried Gen doing her thing. I saluted Gen in the only way appropriate this morning in the front yard, and thanks to a stiff breeze it didn't take very long.

CLICK HERE TO SEE EARTH FRIEND GEN

Finally today I wanted to comment on a commercial I saw last night while I was watching "Fringe"...which by the way is a damn cool show co-created by J.J. Abrahms...one of the guys who made "Lost". Anyway, several times during the show they ran ads for a hybrid version of the Cadillac Escalade. Haha, now...I think hybrid technology is cool and will eventually have it's place, but only if it makes sense and is dramatically better than the normal versions of those vehicles. During this commercial, a snobby dickhead of a spokesman is driving the Hybrid Escalade commenting on different things "they should hybrid". Suddenly "to hybrid" is a verb. "Hey man...I'm gonna be "hybriding" my moped later if you wanna swing by.". Finally he says "they should hybrid this!...Oh..did I just spoil a secret?" At that point he may as well have put his pinky in the corner of his mouth ala Dr. Evil. Then they boast that the Hybrid version of the Escalade gets 40% better mileage than the regular one...but never say what that is....until the end, and you have to pause the commercial to read the fine print where it says "12mpg". Twelve, twelve god damn miles per gallon is worth bragging about. That's akin to Verne Troyer bragging about the size of his mini-me. General Motors deserves to go under of they're actually going to market jokes like that to us.

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 19TH, 2008!!

2008-09-19T04:15:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
"Conurbation" - an aggregation or continuous network of urban communities. I just love "urbation" words!! So, it's basically a city farm.

ON THIS DAY -
1881, the 20th president of the United States, James A. Garfield, died of lasagna overdose. Vice president Odie took over the presidential duties.
1945, Nazi propagandist William Joyce, known as Lord Haw-Haw, was sentenced to death by a British court. The court, along with a piano, were dropped on him from a tall building.

BIRTHDAYS -
Adam West, of course the original "Batman" and also the mayor from "Family Guy" is 78, Actor Jeremy Irons is 60 and Ryan Dusick from "Maroon 5" is 31!!

NEWS!!
I'm a big fan of the "Fox Sexpert" on foxnews.com. This chick has a weekly blog that bluntly address various aspects of the coital arts, and in todays she tackles "10 things you didn't know about men and sex". Ok, I'm a man and I'm pretty sure I know everything about sex...I like it as often as possible, it's better if my partner is dressed like a catholic nun, and the more people watching the better!! Oh ya...and gotta have BeeGees music blasting. Back to the article from the cleavage heavy Fox Sexpert. Let's examine what she says are the 10 things we don't know yet.
1. Trapped Sperm? Some of your junk spit gets stuck in little holding areas inside the vag and gets release later to have another go at the egg. Not in my case, the ceiling and nightstand can easily be wiped off.
2. Oxytocin Affects Males Too - Well duh...we can all thank Rush Limbaugh for warning us about that one!!
3. High Testosterone = Less Sex. Now wait a minute, if this were true all the fat dudes with man boobs would be scarfin all the hotties! I'm pretty sure Russel Crowe gets more tail than Horatio Sans.
4. Death During Sex Has a Prototype - a 1975 study found a pattern for males: the "deceased is usually married; he is not with a spouse and in unfamiliar surroundings," and death usually occurs after "a big meal with alcohol. - Ok., MY plans for the weekend just changed!
5. Orgasm ... or Lack of ... May Prevent Breast Cancer in Males. I wasn't worried about getting breast cancer anyway, I'm more worried about things like the chupacabra and eye exams but I'm glad to hear that. I think I'll thank the Fox Sexpert for that tidbit of knowledge by rubbin off some knuckle-kids on her pic today.
6. You Can Tell a Guy’s "Size" by His — Fingers? Hahah...if that's true the I tell 4 or 5 people on the interstate how big my dick is every morning!!
7. Men Fall in Love Faster Than Women - And we also "fall in love" several times a day. Thank god for "family bathrooms" at Wal-Mart. Thanks to the privacy they provide I can fall in love with a women I saw bending over picking out lunch meat, marry her, fuck her 3 or 4 times, divorce her and get back to shopping in about a minute and twelve seconds. There was this one bathroom though in Dallas Texas that had a door that wouldn't lock....I'd like to throw out props to Kevin, the head of security over there...Kevin dude, thanks again for being so understanding and per the court order I haven't been in Texas once since then.
8. Family Affects Testosterone - According to a 2001 study out of the Mayo Clinic, as a man becomes increasingly attached to his family, his testosterone level goes down. Getting laid also gets replaced with Madden and World of Warcraft. I want to start a charity that sends hookers to theses guys houses. I really think they'd drop the game controller permanently if they were just introduced to a proper set of fun bags for a half an hour.
9. Can a Bowel Movement Make for Bliss? - Have you SEEN the two girls one cup video?? Nothing, I repeat NOTHING about big heaping mounds of shit is a turn on. We're done with this one.
10. Males Like ‘Unusual’ Sex. There's a midget in Vermont with three nipples I met at a moped rally who can confirm that.

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 18TH, 2008!!

2008-09-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
"Transmogrify" - You should know this one if you were a Calvin and Hobbs fan! It means to transform into a completely different form. "Watch me drink 14 beers and transmogrify that fat ass at the end of the bar into a goddess".

ON THIS DAY -
1850 Congress passed the Fugitive Slave Act, which allowed slaveowners to reclaim slaves who had escaped to other states. A law that would have slightly pissed me off if I was a slave at the time. Of course nowadays the law is still in effect but applies only to Washington politicians, and it applies to slaves that escape out into the street and cannot properly identify the "safe word".
2004 Pop singer Britney Spears married dancer Kevin Federline, and then split up 3 years later. Now everybody knows that K-Fed's a dipshit, but you gotta give him props cuz...c'mon..he was tappin that!!

BIRTHDAYS!!
Actor Robert Blake is 75, James Gandolfini is 47 and Kerry Livgren from the rock group "Kansas" is 59 today.

NEWS!!!
Actor Chevy Chase flapped both his jaw ahd his left wing recently when commenting about Tina Fey's portrayal of Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. "I thought it was extraordinary how well she played her and much she looked like her. I'd just like her — personally I felt we didn't need the Hillary stuff — I'd like her to go even harder - I want her to decimate this woman. This woman is, I can't believe there hasn't been more about it. ... It's just unbelievable to me this woman is actually running for vice president." Chase made these comments to reporters from his Illinois abortion clinic while performing a partial birth abortion on a 14 year old runaway.

This is amazing, Phoenix police are investigating the discovery of a newborn found alive in a trash can at a Phoenix school. Police said a school administrator discovered the baby boy screaming inside the garbage can Tuesday afternoon with his umbilical cord still attached. The baby is expected to recovery from it's minor injuries and will be placed with a good family. Less than an hour prior to the discovery of the baby, witness reported seeing a very, very small baby running away from a man that matches the description of Barack Obama!!! Couldn't be him though, the baby was over 2 hours old and friends, that is where he draw the line.

Finally this morning, on a lighter note, from Digg.com comes a photograph worthy of spreading around the email distros at work. It shows a proud, hairy American who has shaved his chest hair into the shape of a bikini top. Quite funny, pass it around!

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 17TH, 2008!!

2008-09-17T04:25:00.000-07:00

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Heya Sassholes!! Fresh off a long night of comedy last night in Nashville at Spanky's Bar and Grill and boy have I got a shitty ass podcast fer ya this morning!! Seriously...don't even bother with it, I posted it merely for consistancy. There is a good clip from the show last night though, so ya....go listen to it. Thanks for everyone who listened last night, the downloadable podcast of last night's live show will be available this evening.

Live With Passion!!

-jack

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2008!!

2008-09-16T04:17:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY -
"Laudable" - praiseworthy; commendable.

ON THIS DAY -
1974, President Ford announced a conditional amnesty program for Vietnam War deserters and draft evaders...and I finally got to meet Grandpa Skeeter....
1630 The Massachusetts village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston..and now you know....the rrrrrrrrrest of the story! ha

BIRTHDAYS -
Amy Poehler turns 37 years , Peter Falk, Columbo is 81 and Frank Reed of "The Chi-Lites" is 54!!

NEWS!!
I was hard pressed to find any good fucking news today. The East Coast of Texas is in dire straights with food, water and gasoline becoming something worth fighting about. Even here in Tennessee I was a few gas stations with yellow tape around the pumps...having sold out of even the gouge-priced premium gas. Wall Street did it's Keith Ledger impression with gusto with Lehman Brothers collapsing and leading the way and Merrill Lynch following with it's sale to Bank of America. Crazy shit...market dropped over 500 points. I quote the great John Curtis who said, "I'm mourning the loss of all those well-deserved Wall Street jobs. Where will those men find their next meal? Who will suppress the working class? But enough of the sad debauchery, the Jack Sass Radio Show teams up once again with Nashvillestandup.com to broadcast live tonight from Spanky's Bar and Grill in Nashville Tennessee. Last week was an incredible success unless you count not a single human of the kinder gender let their mammies flap around outside the confines of their braziers. Maybe tonight!! Anyway, come see the Jack Sass Radio Show Live tonight at Spanky's Bar and Grill in Nashville, and if you can't make it then tune in right here at http://www.jacksassradio.com/!! Also please visit http://www.nashvillestandup.com/ to see a full schedule of great comedy happenings in the Nashville are including a kick-ass showcase this Sunday at Spanky's!! See you tonight!!

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 15th, 2008!!

2008-09-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY - "Vituperate" - to overwhelm with wordy abuse

ON THIS DAY -
2003 A very sad day in history as the WUSA, a women's professional soccer league, shut down after three seasons. Is there still a WNBA? I'm not even sure...

BIRTHDAYS -
Tommy Lee Jones is 62, Director Oliver Stone is also 62 and Mitch Dorge of The Crash Test Dummies is 48

NEWS
Tina Fey made a return to Saturday Night Live, as the entire country predicted, with a drop dead perfect impersonation of Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin. [SOUND] I've heard Palin talk more now and I gotta say, I didn't realize Alaska even had rednecks. Here are some things you may not know about Sarah Palin. In 2001 she received the "Best Hunter with Boobs" award from the Anchorage Nude Hunting Club. In the spring of 2003 the police were called to Palin's house to find her and the "First Dude" Todd Palin having sex on the roof of their cabin wearing the skins of wolfs they had just killed with their own teeth. This country is going to be even awsomer....

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 12TH, 2008!!

2008-09-12T04:13:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Edacious - given to eating...a fat fuck in other words.

ON THIS DAY -
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed into the river that now bears his name, a much more illustrious feat than another person who sort of has a river named after him...John Crapper.
1954 "Lassie" made its TV debut on CBS, a monumental moment it TV history as the first time pornography was broadcast to the general public. Well....ok, for .4% of the viewers....a very fucking sick .4% of the viewers.
2000 Dutch lawmakers gave same-sex couples the right to marry and adopt children. Also the "Dutch Oven" sexual position became mainstream.

BIRTHDAYS -
Joe Pantoliano turns 57, Rush drummer Neil Peart is 56 and Larry LaLonde from Primus is 40!!

NEWS!!
You've probably heard this story by now, but you haven't heard my take on it. A 22-year-old college grad looking to pay off her student loans will auction off her virginity at Nevada's infamous Moonlight Bunny Ranch. She's only holding the auction there because Ebay didn't want anything to do with it, which was very smart on their part because that would have set a precedent that I personally would have exploited until the crazy mad scientists in Europe blow up the world. If Ebay let this tart auction off her virginity, can you just imagine the quality of human specimen that would then try to do the same thing? Seriously, not only would they all be sadistically ugly but there would be ALOT of them. The "Take My Virginity" section of ebay would be a bigger website than Microsoft.com. You got to figure that the average whore who would try to sell her body on Ebay would look something like a cross between Jack Black and Tori Spelling, and if you can't imagine that little concoction just take an old iron frying pan to work and hit someone as hard as you can with it right in the face. Anyway, I applaud this 22 year old bimbo's audacious entrepeneurism. She's kinda hot and will probably fetch a fair price, I just wish I could be a fly on the wall in about six years when her retarded spawn pushes the "help" button inside his bubble and wants to know where he came from.

Well, if you ever needed a wake-up call to remind yourself just how sweet our personal freedoms here in America really are..look no further than Italian comedienne Sabina Guzzanti. In a recent show in Italy she ended a bit with "within 20 years the Pope will be where he ought to be — in Hell, tormented by great big poofter devils, and very active ones, not passive ones. I had to look up "poofter"...it's an "effeminate homo". So Clay Aiken Basically. Unfortunately for Sabina though, insulting the leader of the worlds biggest cult doesn't fly well over in the big boot and she faces up to 5 years in prison. Apparently the pontificious polock has forgotten about the rash of young boys who have been raped by his clan members. I also learned that in Italy, insulting the Pope carries the same legal ramifications as insulting the President. Upon learning that I booked a one-way flight to Rome for Michael Moore.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 13th, 2008!!

2008-09-11T02:55:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE WORST DAY IN AMERICA

I don't see any point in being funny today, so the show will be back tomorrow.

Please remember the families of, and the men and women of the American armed forces who have died to preserve the American way of life. It is a sacrifice we should all be prepared to make, but they stepped up to make it first so we don't have to.

THANK YOU

GOD BLESS AMERICA

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 9th, 2008!!

2008-09-09T04:14:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY -
Ameliorate - To make better or improve.

ON THIS DAY -
1976, Communist Chinese leader Mao Tse-tung died in Beijing at age 82, which is young for a astral traveling Deity
1776 The second Continental Congress made the term "United States" official, replacing "United Colonies."...and will somebody please explain to Obama that the symbol of the United States is the American Flag and not his own corporate symbol?? [SOUND]
2003 The Boston Roman Catholic Archdiocese agreed to pay $85 million to 552 people to settle clergy sex abuse cases, and agreed to purchase 713 inflatable little boys to anonymously pass out to the hundreds of priest-verts in the area.

BIRTHDAYS -
Adam Sandler is 42! Tom Wopat of "The Dukes of Hazzard" is 57 and Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics is 56!!

NEWS!!
A quick "End of the world update!!" - Of course we all know the end of the world would be "bad".[SOUND]. The multi billion-dollar Large Hadron Collider in Europe will explore the tiniest particles and come ever closer to re-enacting the big bang, the theory that a colossal explosion created the universe. It starts testing tomorrow, with plans to end the world by the end of the month.

Today on Foxnews.com the "Foxsexpert" describes how men can experience multiple orgasms! The tips include building your mental strength, becoming intimately familiar with your orgasmic response, exercises your pelvic floor muscles...etc. [SOUND-richard simmons] I think I speak for most men when I say, I don't want to have multiple orgasms...when I'm done I'm done and I want a beer and a steak. End of story. I'm afraid if I learned how to have multiple orgasms I'd also become a worse driver and have no sense of direction. Hell, I could even lead to aerobics!!

Finally, talk is underway over who will play the villains in the next Batman movie. Looks like Johnny Depp and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the Riddler and Penguin respectively. Also talks underway to create a new villain called "The Mummy", which would be Keith Ledgers first acting role since his death.

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 8TH, 2008!!

2008-09-08T04:24:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY - "Masturbation"

ON THIS DAY -
1974, President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to former President Nixon.
1966 The TV series "Star Trek" premiered on NBC.

1930 The comic strip "Blondie," created by Chic Young, was first published.

BIRTHDAYS -
Legendary comic Sid Ceaser is 86, David Arquette is 37 and David Steele of the Fine Young Cannibals is 48!!

NEWS!!
A British physicist has claimed he can explain the secrets of the Big Bang Theory, but his controversial experiment has scientists believing he could bring about the end of the world. His buddies in the scientific community however are more than a little worried that the experiment could create a shower of unstable black holes inside the Earth, and subsequently bring destruction to the planet. Here's how one of the scientists explains what will happen : "Nothing will happen for at least four years,then someone will spot a light ray coming out of the Indian Ocean during the night and no one will be able to explain it." Can't wait.

15 year old Seth Russel of Crossett, was cruising Lake Chicot on a large inner tube towed by a boat when a Silver Asian carp leaped from the water and smacked him in the face. Seth was knocked unconscious. He had to have oral surgery to wire several teeth together and still experiences back pain that doctors attribute to whiplash from the high-speed collision....with a carp.

Britney Spears makes her big comeback tonight on the MTV Music Video awards. She's going to do a gymnastics floor routine, then remove her bra and make out with Lindsay Lohan in the background for the rest of the show...hey, do what ya know.

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 5, 2008!!

2008-09-05T04:08:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY -
"nefarious" - wicked in the extreme.

ON THIS DAY -
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards.
1774 The first Continental Congress assembled in Philadelphia. Thankfully there was not a "wig" tax.

BIRTHDAYS
Raquel Welch is 68, Bob Newhart is 79 and Brad Wilk of Audioslave is 40 today!!

NEWS !
Have you ever had your dad cremated? Well, nor have I but I image that if I ever do that it's safe to assume you'll never see your dad again. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that no one would think you none the stupider if you publicly stated that you believe cremating someone means you'll never see them again. That's not exactly always the case though...you see, five years after a British man and his family cremated and held a wake for his dad, John Renehan spotted his father on television, alive. Turns out the dad bumped his head one day and forgot who he was, and just never came home. So who did they cremate? No one knows, and probably never will. British police at the time had a decomposed body that matched the dudes description so they torched him. It stands to reason though if you think about it...our friends across "the pond" have yet to get a good foothold on general hygiene, they probably can't tell a decomposing body from some of the living people either.

This rocks, a 34 year old Blue Mound Texas woman killed a guy who broke into her own house...with his own gun. Fuck ya! First off...anyone who breaks into your home....YOUR little sanctuary...to steal shit...deserves to die. End of discussion. The problem here though is that the anti-gun wackos are going to latch onto this now and say "Well see! People don't need guns, they can just borrow them from the criminals when then need to shoot the criminals.." I can see it now.

A 20-year-old man was listed in critical condition after he was struck by a roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain Saturday in Valencia. Same old story, his hat flew off while he was riding the roller coaster, so after the ride he jumped a couple of security fences to go get his hat and WHAMMO...clocked by the roller coaster. Doctors say he should be fully recovered by Christmas when he plans on taunting some tigers at the Sand Diego Zoo.

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2008!!

2008-09-04T04:35:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Sassholes,

I did the open mic last night at Springwater, which is a dive just off West End Ave in Nashville. It's behind McDonalds. I used to play Springwater alot in a metal band called "Lost Generation". There was actually still a "Lost Generation" sticker on the wall there. That's how often they clean. Fellow comedian Jesse Perry set that open mic up and it is actually pretty kick ass, he did a great job with it. Well... I can't think of anything fucking funny to say this morning, I'm hung over, had a crummy set last night, and I'm pissed off royally 'cuz I gotta go to my fucking cubicle job today. Fuck you cubicle job. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Can you make money caber tossing?

Have a great fucking day.

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 3RD, 2008!!

2008-09-03T04:21:00.000-07:00

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Last night I tested the equipmet I'll use to broadcast the Jack Sass Radio Show Live from Spanky's Bar and Grill at the Nashvillestandup.com Open Mic Contest. It's the longest running comedy open mic contest in Nashville, and I think North America. The equipment worked well and I'll start promoting now that the Jack Sass Radio Show Live will be from Spankies next week.

SO.....if you ever wanted to be in the studio audience for a high-budget network show, go to 30 Rockafeller Plaza in NYC and take the tour. If you want to be in a low budget internet radio show and see some of the best comedy possible for FREE....come to Spanky's next Tuesday night!!

JACK SASS RADIO - SEPTEMBER 2ND, 2008!!

2008-09-02T03:29:00.000-07:00

ARCHIVES

WORD OF THE DAY -
"Foment" - To nurse to life or activity; to incite; to abet; to instigate; -- often in a bad sense. It's also what ethnic hillbillies do with grain in the woods.

ON THIS DAY -
1901 Vice President Theodore Roosevelt offered the advice, "Speak softly and carry a big stick," in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair. He was of course, giving advice on how not to spill your lunch on the tilt-a-whirl.
1983 Tom Brokaw took over as sole anchor of NBC's "Nightly News."...and speaking like you have a cock in your mouth became "cool".
1992 The United States and Russia agreed to build a space station, on the condition that it had lots of cool lasers and ray guns.

BIRTHDAYS -
Selma Hayek is 42, Mark Harmon is 57 and Paul Deakin of "The Mavericks" is 49!!

NEWS!!
The African continent has officially been renamed the African "INcontinent", since it can't seem to keep it's hurricane shit-balls within the confines of it's big dusty dirt star. With Gustov now just a blob of windy rain meandering through the Southern States, we have Hanna, then Ike and then who knows lined up and ready to plow into us. Somebody pissed off Africa.

Here's the next headline : "Ohio Teen Shot Dead After Egging Car". I don't even have to read the story...good! Shoot the little fuckers. I used to egg cars and I shoulda been shot..

A Gilbert Arizona cat survived a 2 1/2-hour trip on a spare tire under her owner's truck. Gil Smith recently drove from his home 70 miles away for a business meeting in Kearny. When he got out of the truck, he heard a cat in distress and realized it was his. Smith says the cat, Bella, was hysterical, shaky and tired, but was smart enough to know not to jump off the tire as the truck was moving. Hahaha...I can't stop laughing at this one...I love cats.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 29th, 2008!!

2008-08-29T04:33:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY - "Stentorian" - Extremely loud.

ON THIS DAY -
1991, the Supreme Soviet, the parliament of the U.S.S.R., suspended all activities of the Communist Party, bringing it to an end. This of course left only one arch enemy of democracy and the ideals of freedom....Tom Cruise.
1966 The Beatles performed their last concert, at Candlestick Park in San Francisco. The Beatles were of course one of the most influential rock and roll bands of all time with over 4 top ten hits.
2000 Pope John Paul II endorsed organ donation and adult stem cell study but condemned human cloning, embryo experiments and Cutco Knives.

BIRTHDAYS -
John McCain is 72, Michael Jackson is a disturbing 50 and Kyle Cook of Matchbox 20 is 33 today!!

NEWS! -
This weekend is a long weekend for many of you as Monday is the celebration of "Labor Day". The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882, in New York City and in 1884 the first Monday in September was selected as the holiday permanently. In the early 1900's, many American workers used the extra day off from work to develop their badminton skills, as that popular backyard game became a national obsession. That is why America is known as the "ShuttleCock capital of the world!!"

Well Bangladesh has spawned yet another freak of humanity. You may remember months ago there was a girl born with eight arms, who by the way is living large and being regarded as a Goddess. She incidentally has a very prosperous clapping school. This time it was a two headed baby who seemed normal in all regards except for the heads. The two headed baby was actually eating normally out of both mouths before tragically dying at home a couple of days later. Simon Cowell, host and producer of American Idol was very upset at the news of the two-headed baby's death as he was planning a new reality show called "Who Wants To Be Their Own Backup Singer".

Finally, have you seen the TV ad produced by a pro-vegetarian group depicting children at school eating hot dogs for lunch discussing how they all have cancer? The ad directly implies that eating hot dogs will give you colon cancer. Ladies and gentlemen, hot dogs are not going to give you cancer. Neither are cell phones, high power transmission lines or masturbating too much. Hell, I've masturbated twice already today and I feel great. This is just another attempt by special interest groups to scare the ignorant and affectible masses of America into joining their asinine belief structures. Listen to me. Life is short and precious, take what little time you have and do EVERYTHING you can...and do it with an almost reckless abandon that falls short of hurting someone else. You are not going to be able to do this if you are afraid of hot dogs!

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 28th, 2008!!

2008-08-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY -
Introspection - the act or process of self-examination; reflection.

ON THIS DAY -
1963, 200,000 people participated in a peaceful civil rights rally in Washington, D.C., where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech. I delivered an "I Have A Dream" speech once to...but it was at a swingers party.
1922 The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York City. It was a 10-minute advertisement for the Queensboro Realty Co., which had paid $100. I once paid $100 for something...but it was at a swingers party.

BIRTHDAYS -
Shania Twain is 43, Scott Hamilton is 50 and Jack Black..."Tenacious D"...is 39!!!

NEWS!!
Microsoft’s latest Internet browser includes a piece of software that allows Internet users to hide the audit trail of websites they have visited.The InPrivate feature on Internet Explorer 8, nicknamed "porn mode", allows users to conceal the sites they have viewed at the click of a button. Once the setting is chosen, others using the same computer will not be able to see which sites have been accessed, unless they hit that same button.

Monroe Ohio Schools Superintendent Elizabeth Lolli told WLWT TV that cheerleaders were instructed to wear long shorts and T-shirts underneath their uniforms at a pep rally Friday. Parent Becky Daniel said the school's dress code should not apply to cheerleader's uniforms, and that perhaps Ms. Lolli needs only to get laid, then she will shut the hell up.

Now that the worlds focus on China has faded with the end of the Olympics, China is looking for new ways to win the worlds heart. Enter...the Winged Cat!! A tabby from the Qingyan province in China recently sprouted a pair of fur-covered wings on his back during a hot-weather spell, according to the U.K.’s Daily Mail. Immediately, the unique kitty became a spectacle to behold, as visitors flocked to see the unusual feline....with wings. The cat's owner, identified only as Feng, claimed her pet’s wings were the result of stress from too many females desiring to mate with him, then ate the cat.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 27th, 2008!!

2008-08-27T04:28:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY - Sesquipedalion - long; having many syllables.

ON THIS DAY -
1962, the United States launched the Mariner 2 space probe, which flew past Venus the following December, where native lifeforms transmitted to us the technology to make tripple edged lady razors.
2007 Dickhead Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick pleaded guilty to a federal dogfighting charge. I hope he gets shanked.

BIRTHDAYS -
Jeff Cook from country group Alabama is 59, musician Mike Johnson is 43 and Jon Siebels of Eve Six is 29!!

NEWS!!
This is from foxnews.com - A California woman says she endured an embarrassing standoff with Transportation Safety Administration officials over her bra before a flight to visit her mother in Boston.Nancy Kates, who wore a large under wire bra, told the San Francisco Chronicle the security check by a female TSA agent before JetBlue flight 472 at Oakland International Airport was too invasive. The agent's supervisor later told Kates that she could choose between a pat-down in a private room or not flying. Kates offered a third alternative — to take off her bra and try again — which TSA agents accepted. You know what? It pisses me off that she is even upset over this. It's been too long since the New York and Pentagon attacks to NOT know what's going on at our airports. If you are going to fly, for Christ's sake dress in a way that will make the whole process easier on you and your fellow travelers. Don't wear a god damn circus tent of a bra with a re bar under wire...you're gonna get a hard time. And you deserve it.

This is interesting, a new diesel land speed record has been set: 328 mph. Andy Green broke the supercharged diesel streamliner world record by more than 90 mph by reaching an average land speed Tuesday of 328.767 mph. The old record was 235.756 mph, set by Virgil Snyder on the Bonneville Salt Flats in 1973.

Finally...and this is some REALLY cool shit. European scientists are attempting to recreate the "Big Bang", or the event that apparently triggered the beginning of the universe as we know it. The plan is to send two clusters of particles around a huge tube at the speed of light in different directions, forcing them to collide. [SOUND] What are they looking for? An elusive particle that creates life. The way I see it, two things can happen. First - the instant the two clusters collide, the universe ceases to exist..cool stuff but no one would be around to appreciate just how cool that would be. Second - a portal to another dimension might be ripped open like the one in Stephen King's "The Mist", letting in hoards of horrific giant monsters that spell the end of humanity. I personally hope the second option is the one that happens. Sure, it would suck pretty bad to have a giant spider use my body as a feeding mass for it's billions of babies...but you gotta admit..pretty exciting.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 20th, 2008!!

2008-08-20T04:40:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY -
Lachrymatory - It' a small glass bottle usually with a teardrop body and a tall narrow neck, of a kind found in quantity in Roman tombs. So if you're the kind of guy who hangs out in Roman tombs....you should know that.

ON THIS DAY -
1977 The United States launched Voyager 2, an unmanned spacecraft carrying a 12-inch copper phonograph record containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of music and sounds of nature. What very few people know is that a NASA scientist who was passed up for a promotion secretly switched that copper record with "Bat Out of Hell" from Meatloaf. We are surely doomed as a race.

BIRTHDAYS -
Robert Plant is 60, Al Roker is 54 and Fred Durst of "Limp Bizkit" is 38 today.

NEWS!
Tropical Storm Fay bears down on Florida's Atlantic Coast, where it looks to intensify and curve back toward the state — possibly as a hurricane. Florida Governor Charlie Christ has declared a state of emergency and is seeking federal aid which he'll get. He also said that the wildfires his state had been dealing with recently have all but gone out, and thanked the tropical storm adding, "California should get one".

The two yahoos from Georgia who found the "Bigfoot" corpse have vanished, along with $50,000 that searchingforbigfoot.com owner Tom Biscardi gave them. Turns out...drum roll please...the beast was a fake! It was a rubber suit and dear entrails in the freezer that captivated America for a couple of days. Tom Biscardi, when asked how he feels about being bonked out of 50 grand replied, [SOUND]. He's pissed....can't blame him.

Finally this morning, here's the headline : "Man Kills Girlfriend While Showing Her Gun". A 23-year-old man's attempt to show his girlfriend a pistol ended when the gun went off, killing her. Curtis C. Murray is the brainiac's name and apparently had a few things to show his girlfriend that night. Among them were, "check out my new way to test for bad chicken", "take a look at my latest invention....I can fly!", and "you want to try one of these?...I found them out by the storm drain...". Imagine how much better the world would be if he had just done one of those first....sigh.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 19th, 2008!!

2008-08-19T04:13:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
"Naked" - you know what it means....get that way.

ON THIS DAY -
1929 The comedy "Amos 'n' Andy" made its network radio debut on NBC...still in some ways influencing pop culture today.
1994 President Bill Clinton halted the nation's three-decade open-door policy for Cuban refugees. It's now referred to as the "sneak the beach" policy.
2004 Internet search engine Google went public. So far they seem to be doing pretty well.
BIRTHDAYS -
Fred Thompson is 66, former president Bill Clinton is 62 and Karli Osborn
of "She Daisey" is 24.

NEWS!!
Tropical storm Fay is slamming the Florida keys this morning, but not nearly as bad as was originally predicted by Nostradamus. He thought this particular storm would open up the gates of hell. Na...it's got 60 mph winds and some high surf but it looks like Key West will still be there for Fantasy Fest. Unless you call streets loaded with naked painted women "hell". This reporter does not.

College presidents from about 100 of the nation's best-known universities, including Duke, Dartmouth and Ohio State, are calling on lawmakers to consider lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18, saying current laws actually encourage dangerous binge drinking on campus. The argument by the consortium of college bigwigs is that the 21 year old limit is not being enforced anyway, so let's just change it to what the people are doing? Lumped in with this law change would be changing the legal age to have sex to 12 and legalizing paper mache' motorcycle helmets.

Finally this morning, have you ever walked in on your teen son or daughter doing something so dumb that you wonder how they can chew food? I'm talking about things like putting paper towels in the washing machine to clean them, peeing not just on the toilet seat...but somehow on the tank, or you get up in the morning and the oven is on and the refrigerator door is wide open. Well..here's a story that will make you view your teen spawn in a whole new light, it will make you appreciate them just a little bit more. A Nevada teenager was using FIRE to kill spiders, and guess what happened? Correct, he burned his house down. Now go hug your kids.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 18th, 2008!!

2008-08-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY -
pleonasm - The use of more words than are necessary to express an idea; as, "I saw it with my own eyes."

ON THIS DAY -
1894 Congress established the Bureau of Immigration. And now we're putting up fences to keep immigrants out. Invite them in, then try to keep them out....
1920 The 19th Amendment to the Constitution, which guarantees the right of women to vote, was ratified when Tennessee became the 36th state to approve it.
1969 The Woodstock Music and Art Fair near Bethel, N.Y., concluded with a mid-morning set by Jimi Hendrix.

BIRTHDAYS -
Director Roman Polanski is 75, Robert Redford is 71 and Dirk Lance, formerly of Incubus is 32

NEWS!
Tropical storm "Fay" is about to slam into the Florida Keys and then head straight up the Florida peninsula. Packing 75 mile and hour winds the storm is expected to cause moderate damage to property, but is not expected to kill any old Florida people who weren't going to die today anyway.

Keeping the morbid death theme going...authorities say a 16-year-old girl who died after losing control of her car had been texting on her cell phone moments before the accident. Kayla Preuss, of Highland California, was driving on the Interstate 10 Freeway in Redlands when she lost control of her car and crashed.

Finally, last Friday was hailed as "Bigfoot Day" across America as a team of backwoods, banjo-playin wahoos were set to officially release the "Bigfoot" evidence then had found. Prior to the press conference they had photos of the "Bigfoot" body in a freezer, photos that many say very closely resembles a popular "Bigfoot" costume. After the press conference they had photos of the "Bigfoot" body in a freezer, photos that many say very closely resembles a popular "Bigfoot" costume. The three men who claim to have found the Sasquatch corpse, who also have a band call "The Backwoods Boys", will be release a video later in the week in which they sing their hit "Big Hairy Love Pump", while they take turns having sex with the dead monster.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 15th, 2008!!

2008-08-15T04:36:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
"Bowdlerize" - to remove or modify the parts considered offensive.

ON THIS DAY -
1947, India and Pakistan became independent after some 200 years of British rule..officially marking the end of Britain's grip on the tech support industry.
1969 The Woodstock Music and Art Fair opened in upstate New York. Official estimates say that at the very least, as many as 20 people smoked pot at the show.
2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar system outside our own - two planets orbiting a star in the Big Dipper. The planets were immediately dismissed by the pope as a hoax.

BIRTHDAYS -
Debra Messing, "Grace" from "Will and Grace" is 40, Ben Affleck is 36 and Pete York from "The Spencer Davis Group" is 66 today!!

NEWS!
Here we go...parents are pissed off some "Disney Approved" underwear promoting the movie "High School Musical". The girls underwear sports a catch phrase from the movie, "Dive In", which some parents believe suggests that sexual predators will see that...then rape and pillage their daughters. 57 year old Sue Ralph is DEMANDING that the drawers be removed from the shelves. Sue...listen to me. Sexual predators are already sexual predators without having to see Disney sponsored sexual predator training panties. The words "Dive In" are not going to create an influx of little girl rapes any more than the word "depends" on your underwear is going to create a nation of people can't decide on things. Now get your superficial "just for show" morality out of your ass and come up with a safe word because Senator Edwards is waiting for ya.

Today is Bigfoot day!! Two rednecks from Georgia have found Sasquatch dead in the woods and have transported his body to California for bigfoot experts to poke and prod. The team of experts will be releasing their findings today apparently. I suspect it turns out to be Abe Vigoda.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 12th, 2008!!

2008-08-12T04:29:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
"pathomania" - moral insanity

ON THIS DAY -
1851 Isaac Singer was granted a patent on his sewing machine...paving the way for the way for the golden age of Laotian sweat shops!
1898 Hawaii was formally annexed to the United States. It was also officially determined to keep the name "Hawaii" and not "Paciforico" as some wanted to call it.
1966 John Lennon apologized at a news conference in Chicago for saying "the Beatles are more popular than Jesus." He meant to reference "God".

BIRTHDAYS -
George Hamilton is 69, George Hamilton's tan is 54 and Mark Knopfler of, of course, "The Dire Straights", is 59 today!

NEWS -
A judge in Ohio freed a man yesterday who had spent 18 years in prison for raping a 10-year-old girl after a lab re-examining cases across Ohio showed that his DNA profile didn't match evidence from the crime scene. 52 year old Robert McClendon walked out of the prison to freedom for the first time in almost two decades where he answered a reporters question of "Are you going to Disneyland" with..."Nope! I'm gonna go rape the SHIT outa somebody!"

Here's a classic case of "stupid people shouldn't be allowed to operate in society"!. A New York state man was arrested for getting too close to his bride on their wedding day. Timothy Cole got into it with a wedding guest at a party Friday after he re-married his ex-wife. Officers apparently knew Cole from previous arrests and realized his bride had an order of protection against him. So they threw him in jail.

Finally this morning, I just want to take a minute and give proper recognition to Michael Phelps and the rest of the American swim team who have just kicked a whole new kind of ass in the Beijing Olympics. The amount of obvious dedication and spirit exhibited has just struck awe in me personally. That intrepid group of young American men epitomize the ideals that made America great to begin with, and is keeping us going strong. When you look at the images of Phelps immediately after the 4x100 relay Gold win, you see unadulterated enthusiasm that no iron or red curtain could snuff. Thank you Michael Phelps and all your teammates for reminding us that being an American is something to stand up and scream our ever-living, fucking lungs about!

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 11th, 2008!!

2008-08-11T03:34:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY-
"Drubbing" - a beating or sound thrashing. A "drubbing" is what the French 4x100 men's swim team received yesterday at the Olympics.

ON THIS DAY -
1909 The SOS distress signal was first used by an American ship, the Arapaho, off Cape Hatteras, N.C. Unfortunately the Coast Guard wasn't invented for another 4 years so they all died.
1984 President Ronald Reagan joked during a voice test for a paid political radio address that he had "signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." Thankfully Russia saw the humor in it.
1992 The Mall of America, the biggest shopping mall in the country, opened in Bloomington, Minn. This was very good news for 80's pop sensation "Tiffany" who now had a bigger venue to play.

BIRTHDAYS -
Hulk Hogan is 55, Comedian Joe Rogan from News Radio and Fear Factor is 41 and Jim Kale from classic rock ensemble "The Guess Who" is 65!

NEWS -
Scientists say they are a step closer to developing materials that could render people and objects invisible. Researchers have demonstrated for the first time they were able to cloak three-dimensional objects using artificially engineered materials that redirect light around the objects. Previously, they only have been able to cloak very thin two-dimensional things. Put into real world terms, you could cloak Lindsay Lohan but not Lewis Black.

At least 38 Warao Indians have died in remote villages in Venezuela, and medical experts suspect an outbreak of rabies spread by bites from vampire bats. They all died after getting hit by low flying airplanes. Think about that one for a sec... ;)

FHM Magazine has released what they say are the top ten hottest female athletes at the summer Olympics. CLICK HERE to see the list. My personal favorite is #5, golfer Natalie Gulbis. Nothing is more of a turn on than a chick with a rack like that who can kick your ass on the links, then give you a little motor boat action behind the clubhouse.

Finally this morning, a UK businessman has decapitated himself with his Aston Martin...to prove to his ex-wife how much he loves her. Gerald Mellin, a UK gym owner, tied one end of a rope to a tree and the other end around his neck before boarding his $173,000 Aston Martin DB7 and flooring the pedal. Dozens watched as he flew into a busy intersection and the rope tweaked his head off like a cork off a champagne bottle. Cops found the headless body still sitting in the front seat and his head in the back seat. Friends of the couple say they were always fighting and very competitive, a competition in which the wife is currently...ahead.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 8TH, 2008!!

2008-08-08T03:59:00.000-07:00

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ON THIS DAY -
1974, President Richard Nixon announced he would resign following damaging revelations in the Watergate scandal. He later admitted to being a crook, but not a thief...thieves are different.
1876 Thomas A. Edison received a patent for the mimeograph..but even he could not figure out how to get that awful light blue ink off your fingers...also, remember the smell of a mimeographed sheet?
1978 The United States launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. Ironically, back in 1978 I was just old enough to start having dreams that could also be classified as "probing Venus"!

BIRTHDAYS -
Dustin Hoffman is 71, Singer Mel Tillis is 76 and Rikki Rockett from Pioson is 47 today!!

NEWS -
The opening ceremony for the Olympic Games in Beijing finally happened. In what is being billed as the most lavish opening ceremony of all time, thousands of athletes from around the world sang, danced and waved flags in proud support of their native lands. Along with the brilliant spectacle representing most civilized nations of the world, were billions of flag waiving Chines citizens...energetically waiving their red flags..because they would get shot of they didn't.

Ya know how Florida has that cooky reputation for being the state where people go to die? A place overrun with really, really old people running stop signs and falling asleep while they eat? Did you ever stop and ask yourself if the aged were not unfairly categorized in the Sunshine State? This ought to change your mind...this is out of Marathon Florida..Authorities say a grandmother was arrested for driving around the parking lot of a Marathon grocery store with her 3-year-old grand child sitting on the roof of the car. After spending 15 hours in jail, the woman said she would never let anything hurt her granddaughter. She says she was driving at "snail-speed" and holding the child's leg. I can't wait to get old, I'm going to be the worst old guy Florida has ever seen. Fox news is already hiring an entire department just to cover my shenanigans.

Finally this morning, how do you get 26 stuck cheerleaders out of an elevator? Well, unfortunately since most of they were 16 and 17 years old I can't tell you how I would do it...suffice it to say I could have sold the video of it and retired in Florida early. For 26 cheerleaders in Texas who thought it would be a great idea to test the capacity of the elevator and panicked when it got stuck between floors, this was no girls gone wild video. In fact, several of them panicked to the point that their bladders and bowels let go showering the girls below them with urine and feces...hahaha. You know that the one single cheerleader who originally thought that was a good idea got her ass kicked hard that evening. Do I smell a "26 Cheerleaders, 1 Elevator" Youtube video on the horizon???

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 7TH, 2008!!

2008-08-07T04:07:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Philosophocracy - Government by philosophers.

ON THIS DAY -
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into a reef on a small Polynesian island. The natives threw a HUGE lou ou where they were laughed at for having a boat made out of balsa wood.
1971 Apollo 15 returned to Earth after a manned mission to the moon.
2007 Barry Bonds became baseball's career home run leader when he hit No. 756 during a home game in San Francisco, passing Hank Aaron's mark. In what will forever be known as the "Hank Aaron Junk Attack", Aaron jumped out of the stands and met Bonds at home plate after his victory lap and beat him senseless with his enormous junk that had NOT been shrunk by years of steroid abuse. Bonds missed 2 weeks of games while recovering from both the physical and emotional damage of the "Hank Aaron Junk Attack".

BIRTHDAYS -
Garrison Keillor is 66, David Duchovny is 48 and Bruce Dickinson, guitarist and vocalist for Iron Maiden is 50!

NEWS -
There's a brand new thrill ride at Coney Island in New York. Unlike traditional amusement park rides that let you experience the super g-forces of a roller coaster, or the feeling of being upside down and weightless, this one gives you the thrill and excitement that can only be....WATERBOARDING!! Don't adjust your ipod volumes ladies and gentlemen, you hear me correctly....waterboarding...ala Guantanamo. It's billed as an "ride" but is more of an exibit that shows robot, animinotronic torturer and torturee going through the motions of simulating drowning to get the dirty terrorist to talk. Unfortunately the exibit lacks real zeal since it only shows what it would be like for one robot to torture another robot....boring. It would make alot more sense, and be much more realistic to let thrill seekers actually ride the ride themselves! Strap them to an inverted table, put a wet towel over their nose and pour water down their throat..and get them to admit things they never actually did...lol. I would almost immediately admit to having homo-erotic dreams about Steve Bushimi to get them to stop that shit.

This is amazing...an Indian man who was knocked unconscious during a stampede of thousands of religious pilgrims on a steep Himalayan mountain path woke up as doctors were preparing to perform his autopsy! The 19 year old Indian man, known only as "Steve", immediately asked for a glass of water and a telephone headset so he could finish troubleshooting an issue with a Dell laptop.

Finally this morning, a British commuter was thrown on to an electrified railway line after she told two kids to stop smoking on a station platform. British Transport Police, who are studying CCTV footage of the incident and were said to be following up a number of leads, said the woman was lucky to be alive because the "live" rail was carrying 750 volts of electricity! After it was determined she had in fact lived, she was given a ticket for smoking.

JACK SASS RADIO - AUGUST 1ST, 2008!!

2008-08-01T03:12:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Tortuous - marked by repeated turns and bends.

ON THIS DAY -
1790 The first U.S. census was completed, showing a population of nearly 4 million people. Of course the whole process of taking a census was much faster in the 1700's because Microsoft wasn't involved.
1978 Pete Rose's 44-game hitting streak - the second longest in major league history - came to an end as the Cincinnati Reds star went hitless in a game against the Atlanta Braves. Rose lost $3800 on the game.
1981 The music video cable channel MTV made its debut. Video Killed The Radio Star by The Bugles was the first video.

BIRTHDAYS -
Actor Geoffrey Holder is 77. Joe Elliot of Def Leopard is 48 and Adam Duritz of The Counting Crows is 43!!!

NEWS -
Have you heard about the Montauk Monster?? An animal that looks like a bloated, hairless dog, except that it's got an eagle-like beak, a prominent brow ridge and a an elongated front paw washed up on the shores of the Hamptons. A photo of the beast was posted on Gawker, New York' reigning gossip blog, which treated the Montauk monster with the following predictive line: "Good Luck With Your Hell Demons." It has been suggested that the beast is what Christopher Walken turns into at night, and that perhaps something had happened to him. Tom Cruise has the monster now and is studying it to find out how high up in the scientology hierarchy the monster reins.

We all have interesting stories about some of the freaks we sit next to on Grey Hound buses. I once sat next to a girl from Nashville all the way to Buffalo who had beetles crawling around in her dreadlocks. Nothing however, compares to what passengers on a Manitoba Canada Greyhound had to put up with yesterday. One of the passengers on this particular Greyhound bus repeatedly stabbed and then decapitated his seat mate, pausing during the attack to display the head to passengers. The passengers, understandably, were a little freaked out. Greyhound spokeswoman Abby Wambaugh said 37 passengers were aboard, many watching the on-board movie "Zorro" when the violence erupted. The passenger who was stabbed 50 times, gutted and decapitated is recovering at one of Canada's state run health care facilities.

Finally this morning, an entry for the Darwin Awards perhaps? And where else but....Arkansas!! An Arkansas man died from electrocution while he was using jumper cables to hook up power to his house after his electricity was shut off. And why not?!? Obviously if the electric company wants you to pay your bill they're certain to shut it off in a way that lets you simply run jumper cables to turn it back on!! Works on the car...why not the house?!?! The deceased had a long running history of stupidity including making beer in his bathtub while continuing to bathe in it, keeping a live Chilean White Tiger in his house, and purchasing one of the first generation iPhones.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 31st, 2008!!

2008-07-31T04:22:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Sycophant - one who seeks favor by flattery.

ON THIS DAY -
On July 31, 1964, the American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of the moon's surface...Of course nobody saw then for nearly a week because they took them to Wal-mart to get developed...
1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital Cities-ABC Inc. in a $19 billion deal. - A move that will inevitably someday put Mickey Mouse behind the desk of the evening news....hell, CBS has Katie Couric.

BIRTHDAYS -
Singer "Lobo" is 65, Wesley Snipes is 46 and Bill Berry of R.E.M. is 50!!

NEWS!!
We'll start with this from Foxnews.com this morning, John McCain’s presidential campaign on Wednesday released a television ad comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, suggesting the Democratic contender is little more than a vapid but widely recognized media concoction. Obama almost immediately released press releases stating how crazy that was, then released cell phone taken photos of himself wearing a wet t-shirt in the shower.

Do ya sometimes wish you could just stay in bed all day and somehow get paid for it? How does $10 an hour sound?? Well, that's what NASA is paying a group of people to do for 3 months straight. The test subjects are paid about $17,000 over the course of the study, which is carried out at the University of Texas. Also, they can only leave the bed to use the bathroom and shower. I think I'd only attempt that if I was allowed to bring my vast clown porn collection with me...

Finally, have you ever accidentally done something at work that inadvertently makes a mess? Leaving a cardboard coffee cup with coffee in it on a conference room table over the weekend for example...and it leaks all over the place. That's not a big deal, maybe a little embarrasing right? Well...haha...be glad that you're not one particular, as of yet unnamed member of the US Navy in San Diego who had a slightly embarrassing incident with a cigarette. This time however the end result was not an embarrassing coffee ring on a conference room table. No...this time it was a fire that caused $70 Million damage to an aircraft carrier!! C'mon...that's more embarrassing than trying to sneak clown porn into a NASA sleep study project!!

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 30TH, 2008!!

2008-07-30T04:06:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
"Bootless" - useless...or, of course...without boots.

ON THIS DAY -
1729 The city of Baltimore was founded...of course it would be funnier if it was "found"..haha.
1971 Apollo 15 astronauts David R. Scott and James B. Irwin landed on the moon. Ya gotta have a soft spot in your heart for those two guys...I mean, they landed on the MOON and no one knows who they are.

BIRTHDAYS!!
Hillary Swank - named after one of my favorite periodicals, is 34, Paul Anka...yep, still alive and 67 today and Brad Hargreaves of "Third Eye Blind" is 37!!!

NEWS!!
A New Zealand company unveiled a new jet pack at an air show in Wisconsin recently. The $100,000, 250 pound contraption can hover a few feet off the ground if you have a couple of assistants to hold it and keep if from drifting away uncontrollably. Erm...sounds a little like this technology isn't quite yet there. Hell, I managed the exact same feet last weekend with a bottle of Cabo Wabo.

A mother and daughter on a berry-picking excursion in northwestern Ontario, Canada, claim the giant, black, hulking figure they saw last week might be the legendary Sasquatch! Helen Pahpasay and her mother say they were scared stiff when they saw the mysterious creature spot them in their truck and then run into the woods near Grassy Narrows, Ont., about 140 miles east of Winnipeg, Manitoba. In a related story, George Clinton is still missing and unaccounted for.

LifeStyles Condoms apparently wants Miley Cyrus to be their new spokes girl. The company is trying to shift their image a little bit after their previous spokes models, Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears seem to get pregnant if they so much as eat. Miley Cyrus however has publicly stated that she will not have sex until she's married....so then why on Earth would she need condoms? She actually just miss read what her Dad told her to say...she meant to say that she won't get divorced until she's married....

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 29TH, 2008!!

2008-07-29T04:16:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Knucker - A demon of the water!! scary.

ON THIS DAY -
On July 29, 1981, Britain's Prince Charles married Lady Diana Spencer at St. Paul's Cathedral in London...an event which over the next 30 years gave Oprah an career's worth of material.
1890 Artist Vincent van Gogh shot himself in France, at age 37. The wall behind him was his final work of art.
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's stance against artificial methods of birth control...and that's why there are so many catholics!

BIRTHDAYS!
Elizabeth Dole is 72, Martina McBride is 42 and Geddy Lee from Rush is 55!!!

NEWS!!
American Idol host Ryan Seacrest was viciously attacked by a shark yesterday while swimming only a few feet out in the ocean. Well, ok, not really a vicious attack but the shark took enough of a bite to have one of it's teeth stuck in the annoying tv host's leg. I have some sound of Seacrest talking about the incident..[SOUND]. His new nickname around Hollywod? Chum! Which reminds me, "chum" is such a cool word isn't it? It's usually used in documentaries about sharks on TV...it's basically buckets of old fish parts and fish blood and stuff that nobody else wants. I've always thought it would be fun to go into a supermarket and proudly ask where they keep there chum..."WHERE YA'LL KEEP YER CHUM?!?!?"....ha...funny stuff.

Need a new place to shoot your amateur porn? There's a spot in Canada that's getting more and more popular for just that, but now the authorities are starting to crack down on it. In fact, a French couple has been fined and given a four-month suspended prison sentence for making a pornographic video at the Vimy Ridge World War I Memorial. Apparently some Canadians think that shooting porn at a war memorial is in poor taste. I'd personally have to see how it turned out before I pass judgement. And also, isn't a Canadian War memorial kind of akin to a Tanya Harding trophy case??

President Bush approved the execution of an Army private, the first time in over a half-century that a president has affirmed a death sentence for a member of the U.S. military. That was only one of 6 things the president approved all at the same time. Lumped in with the death sentence was a new carpet for the oval office, removing the ceiling mirrors from Clinton's library room, a new scone vendor for the White House, and 21" spinner rims for the Presidential Motorcade.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 28th, 2008!!

2008-07-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Dross - It means "impurities in metal"....kinda like "Winger"

ON THIS DAY -
1540 King Henry VIII's chief minister, Thomas Cromwell, was executed. The same day, the English monarch married Catherine Howard, the fifth of his six wives, and then went on to become the mayor of Salt Lake City Utah.
1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York City's Empire State Building, killing 14 people...it's a little known fact that King Kong aided in the rescue operation.

BIRTHDAYS -
Basketball Hall of Famer and former Senator Bill Bradley is 67, token fat chick and former "All In The Family" star Sally Struthers is 60 and Simon Kirke from Bad Company is 59!!

NEWS!
The national average price for a gallon of gasoline has dipped below the $4 mark for the first time since May of this year. The cheapest gas was in Wichita, Kan., where the price for regular was $3.61 a gallon. Wichita is a cool place anyway....plus now they have really cheap gas!! I'm Jack Sass, from the Wichita board of tourism...

Saw this on foxnews.com this morning...Lindsay Lohan was sideswiped by a guy on a motorcycle after a night of "clubbing", but was not hurt. She wasn't injured in the slightest. Somehow that's news.

I'll tell you what IS news though! A guy who can eat one of everything in an office vending machine in one day...now that's news! On Friday I gave you part one of my interview with Britt Wells from Nashville. Britt was the second known person to attempt such a challenge, for a $60 office pool. Oh..but he had to spend over $40 of his own money to get all of the food out of the machine. Ok, so...how did it finally end? About as you'd expect...[SOUND]. That's right, he puked. Folks, listen...eating a thousand calories of fat and sodium in one day is ridiculous. Of course, this coming from a guy who advertises for corporate sponsorship on his bald head so...take that advise with a grain of salt.

Quick update on the live show, I'm talking to a local Clearwire distributor about streaming my show using a Clearwire aircard. That would mean the "Jack Sass Radio Show Live" could then happen from ANYWHERE!! More details to come.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 25TH, 2008!!

2008-07-25T03:14:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Galactophagist - A milk drinker!

ON THIS DAY -
1946 The United States detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the Pacific in the first underwater test of the device. Since then bikini's have been at least partially responsible for many things going off underwater! HA!
1978 The first baby conceived by in-vitro fertilization was born in Oldham, England. Musta been tough going through high-shcool with the nickname "Baster Boy"...
1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman to walk in space, which was of course a spinn-off of the great Muppet classic bit, "Commies In Space!"

BIRTHDAYS -
Basketball hall of famer Nate Thurmond is 67, Actress Bobbie Eakes is 47 and Jem Finer of The Pogues is 53!! (He's the "Pogue" that still has teeth)

NEWS!!
We start off with something straight out of nightmare 101. Terrified workers at a mining compound in one of Russia's most isolated regions are refusing to go to work after a pack of giant polar bears attacked and ate two of their friends. Can you blame them? Imagine showing up at your office and finding a giant polar bear just finishing up the guy who sits next to you. I don't know about you, but I'd be on my way to the OMBUDS office. Yep.

From the "good, quality parents" department, A Rhode Island parent has been arrested for allegedly showing teenagers porn, then offering one of them alcohol and cigarettes at a Boy Scout camp. Here's the best part...his name is Randolph Johnson! HA!! So just to clarify, a bunch of boy scouts were sitting around watching Johnson's porn. Okay. He also gave them booze and cigarettes.

Finally this morning, a report on how the mundane cubicle life can sometimes lead to unconventional forms of "at office" entertainment. The latest "cubitainment" to hit the fluorescent lit desk farms of America is called the "Vending Machine Challenge". It's essentially what it sounds like, eat one of everything in the vending machine where you work...in one day. Initially it sounds easy, but when you drill down you realize that the typical vending machine has as many as 10,000 or more calories and possibly an entire pound of fat from just a 1 each sampling. The first person I know of to take the challenge was defeated quickly... However, down the street at another office, word of the challenge spread quickly and was attempted by a more "professional" junk food consumer. Some of his colleagues however didn't buy it. His name is Britt Wells, and in this first installment of "The Vending Machine Challenge Wars", he tells us the how's and why's. (Listen to the show!!)

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 24th, 2008!!

2008-07-24T04:04:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!
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WORD OF THE DAY -
Pleurodynia - from medicine.net, Also known as Bornholm disease, this is a temporary illness that is a result of virus infection. The disease features fever and intense abdominal and chest pains with headache.

ON THIS DAY -
1866 Tennessee became the first state to be readmitted to the Union after the Civil War. As a reward they got cheap electricity.
1929 President Herbert Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, which renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy, and had two scoops of raisins.
1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts, two of whom had become the first men to set foot on the moon, splashed down safely in the Pacific with legendary adventure tales and probably the best bar pick-up line of all time.
2005 Lance Armstrong closed out his cycling career with a seventh consecutive Tour de France victory. If he makes you feel like you haven't really accomplished anything in life...just go look at your junk and count to 2!!

BIRTHDAYS -
Gallagher is 62, Michael Richards is 59 and Jennifer Lopez is 39

NEWS -
South Texas seems to have survived the first hurricane of the season, Hurricane Dolly. By late last night Dolly had weakened to a tropical storm but rain and high winds continued to be a threat. Unfortunately, the most damage will be caused by the 800,000 illegal drywall hangers that snuck in during the storm.

A San Diego high school floozie is the next up to try to milk the system of fraudulent law suit money. The unnamed teanager from Spring Valley is suing her teacher for $75,000 for calling her ugly. Good luck with that girlfriend, I suspect your one of the many who would still be ugly....even with $75,000.

The head of a prominent cancer research institute issued an unprecedented warning to his faculty and staff Wednesday: Limit cell phone use because of the possible risk of cancer. Oh please, there are many MUCH more dangerous things than cancer to worry about with cell phone use. You can die in a head-on collision if you don't pay attention while you talk on the phone in your car. What if you use your phone to inform your loan shark you're not going to pay him back? Bam! Your phone just broke your legs. What if you throw your cell phone straight up in the air and immediately forget you did that?? Danger Will Robinson. What if you sharpen your cell phone and use it to cut a nice juicy ribeye and cut your finger? What if you modify your cell phone to shoot .380 caliber shells and you forget which end they come out of? What if you program your cell phone to open a trans dimensional worm hole and it lets strange dinosaur like creatures through from the other side? You've just doomed humanity....with your cell phone. And you were worried about cancer.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 23rd, 2008!!

2008-07-23T04:01:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Epizootic - a disease that appears as new cases in a given animal population, during a given period, at a rate that substantially exceeds what is "expected" based on recent experience.

ON THIS DAY -
1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis.
1984 Vanessa Williams became the first Miss America to resign her title, because of nude photographs published in Penthouse magazine
2000 Tiger Woods became the youngest golfer to complete a career Grand Slam when he won the British Open at age 24. AND...he makes alot more money than the guy who invented the ice cream cone!

BIRTHDAYS!-
Alison Krauss is 37, Don Imus is 226 (what? Oh...he just looks 226...he's 68), and Slash from Guns 'n' Roses is 43!!!

NEWS!!!
An animal sanctuary in Oklahoma City has agreed to accept two dogs that authorities say were trained to have sex with women. The dogs — named Lucky and Buddy, a Lab and a mix breed — will be taken to the no-kill sanctuary next month. Now you may ask, "Who on earth would train dogs to have sex with women??" That's a very good question. Whalen and Donald Roy Seigfried, were charged with felony crimes against nature after Whalen's adult son found more than 150 tapes of his mom performing bangin' her dogs. Seigfried was accused of filming the acts. The story has a happy ending though, the dogs will be put up for adoption...Whalen and Donald will be sent to Nicaragua where they will be sprayed with hormones and caged with gorillas who are trained to have sex with men.

Angry parents and activists were still waiting on Tuesday for talk show host Michael Savage to apologize for describing "99 percent" of autistic children as misdiagnosed "brats". Many are even calling for him to be fired. First of all, he wasn't referencing kids who actually have autism. He was referencing the huge number of "brats" who are diagnosed as having autism so their lazy ass parents don't have to take the blame for their out of control kids. Secondly, this is America...talk show hosts like Michael Savage are free to say whatever they want and you all are free to disagree with it. If you really have a problem with it...GET YOUR OWN FUCKING TALK SHOW!!

Finally this morning, Gizmodo.com recently asked it's readers to create bogus, but brutally honest, ads for gadgets. Most of them are incredibly funny and suitable to look at in your cubicle. Go to gizmodo.com yourself and try to find it or just click here.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 22nd, 2008!!

2008-07-22T03:20:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!

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WORD OF THE DAY -
caprifoliaceous - of, like or pertaining to the honeysuckle plant

ON THIS DAY -
1796 The city of Cleveland was founded by Gen. Moses Cleavland - great, great, great, great uncle to Drew Carey!
1991 Police in Milwaukee arrested serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. The next day the very first themed sandwich, "The Dahmer" was created at Earnie's Deli on 4th Ave in downtown Milwaukee. No one knows exactly what was in it....but it was crunchy.

BIRTHDAYS -
Bob Dole is 85, Willem Dafoe (creepy guy) is 53 and Don Henley is 61!!

NEWS!
Hurricane warnings are blanketing much of the Gulf coasts of Texas and Mexico as Tropical Storm Dolly picks up steam, sending residents scrambling for supplies. The Red Cross says the most important thing to do when getting ready for a major hurricane is to gather the supplies necessary to stay for a potential extended time away from home and with strangers. One very important item for single men is good old fashioned pornography. I recommend between 6-8 classics such as Penthouse or Gallery. For married men the number jumps to 818-24 magazines.

Indy car racing mistress and amazing hottie Danica Patrick got into a "spat" on the race track yesterday with fellow track tramp Milka Duno. The two minxes argued briefly but then, after a suggestion from one of Duno's pit crew, got into a hot tub in the midfield and made out. Here's some sound from the "altercation"...(listen to show for sound)

Finally this morning, an neat trick you can do at home from Engadget.com. If you've ever been frustrated by blocked caller ID numbers and refused to answer calls that show that signage when they come in, only to be frustrated to later learn it was your best friend calling to give you tickets to the mud wrestling mayhem show down at the rec center..then you'll appreciate this way to "unblock" blocked caller ID numbers. The Engadget.com link takes you to a Youtube video showing exactly how to do it. Happy descrambling.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 21ST, 2008!!

2008-07-21T03:33:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -

Absquatulate - To make off, decamp, or abscond

ON THIS DAY -
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed King of the Belgians. He was known for waffling on some of the important issues.
Alot of Astronaut history today...
1961 Capt. Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth, flying on the Liberty Bell 7.
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin blasted off from the moon aboard the lunar module.1998 Astronaut Alan Shepard died at age 74.

BIRTHDAYS -
Robin Williams - 57, Jon Lovitz - 51 and Brad Mates from country band "Emerson Drive" is 30.

NEWS!
Topping the news this morning, according to to US government standards, I am obese. Yep...5'10" and a BMI of 30 is now obese. I ran 3 miles this morning, something obese people are known to do.

Have you ever heard the tales of absinthe and how it was a drink once blamed for causing hallucinations and psychosis that you had to smuggle in from places like Britain or Mexico? Well...it's back baby!! Virginia’s Alcoholic Beverage Control Board approved one brand for sale there. Virgin'ees progressive initiatives led to widespread availability of the drink that has no doubt already spiced up some good ol' American barbecues. Here's a Jack Sass Radio absinthe drinking tip for you...drink 6 oz. of it in 30 minutes and have your friends drop you off in a part of town you've never been in. Good stuff.

Finally, About.com has released the 90 greatest rap albums of all time! Want to hear the top 10? Me either....have a great day!!

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 18TH, 2008!!

2008-07-18T04:23:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Cairn - A pile of rocks often used to mark a hiking trail. Can also mark the tomb of undead creatures....and unless you happen to have Brendan Frasier with you...just leave it alone.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY -
1927 Baseball Hall of Famer Ty Cobb got his 4,000th career hit. Of course nowadays if you do that you have to share credit with your steroid provider.
1969 A car driven by Sen. Ted Kennedy plunged off a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island near Martha's Vineyard. His passenger, 28-year-old Mary Jo Kopechne, died. Calling it the "lucky democratic bridge of destiny", Barrack Obama will drive off the bridge later today with Ann Coulter on board.

BIRTHDAYS -
Nelson Mandela turns 90 years old today. - John Glenn is 87 and Jack Irons from Pearl Jam is 46!!

NEWS -
All the weird shit lately seems to be coming from Britain...here's another one. A British groom set his best man on fire and then stole his safe containing $60,000 six weeks after the wedding! The former best man's injuries were so severe he had to have both legs amputated below the knee and lost most of the fingers on his left hand. Oh, and did I mention that this guy PAID FOR THE WEDDING?? It's hard to believe this really happened, but it must have. Mark Burnett claims he had nothing to do with it.

So who are the fattest Americans? According to the Center for Disease Control...it's Southerners. Why? Because people in the south deep fry EVERYTHING! It's not unheard of in the south to get McDonalds or Burger King take out, bring it home...and deep fry it. Ever heard of deep fried cheese burgers? They got 'em in the south! Here's the top ten fattest states shown in percentages of obesity. You'll notice that Alaska is not on the list. 1. Mississippi, 32.0 percent2. Alabama, 30.33. Tennessee, 30.14. Louisiana, 29.85. West Virginia, 29.56. Arkansas, 28.77. South Carolina, 28.48. Georgia, 28.29. Oklahoma, 28.110. Texas, 28.1

Great time waster for today, CLICK HERE, it's the worlds 30 most creepiest trees. The photographs are amazing. Categories include "tormented" trees, "Tree Monsters" and "Trees doing funny things". The example given for the trees doing funny things...is a tree flipping the bird.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 17TH, 2008!!

2008-07-17T04:27:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!

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WORD OF THE DAY- Cataglottism - Kissing with the tongue

ON THIS DAY -

1975, an Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft in orbit in the first superpower linkup of its kind.
1821 Spain ceded Florida to the United States....as long as we promised not to return all those really old people...
2004 California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger mockingly used the term "girlie men" during a rally as he claimed Democrats were delaying the state budget by catering to special interests....and apparently it worked!

BIRTHDAYS -
Phyliss Diller is 91, Donald Sutherland is 73 and Fran Smith Jr. from "The Hooters" is 56.

NEWS -
A Tasmanian computer technician who considered himself a beast has been given a suspended jail sentence after being caught possessing bestiality images. 48 year old Rodney Scott McLagan, was sentenced after pleading guilty to possessing 31,000 illegal images, most involving human female sex acts with dogs, ponies, snakes, tigers and an octopus. Although 30 per cent of the total images involved child pornography, Hobart Supreme Court Justice David Porter today said only 20 per cent of those were actually viewed by McLagan. How did they know which of those animals were too young to be in porn??

A man UK police refer to as‘vulnerable’ cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home to make way for developers. The cops listed the possible cause of death as ‘complete transaction of the neck’ and ‘chainsaw wound to the neck.’

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 16TH, 2008!!

2008-07-16T04:25:00.000-07:00

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WORD OF THE DAY -
Spermophyte - Any plant which produces true seeds.

ON THIS DAY -
On July 16, 1918, Russia's Czar Nicholas II, his wife and their five children were executed by the Bolsheviks. I just like saying Bolsheviks...rolls off the tongue. The verbal equivalent to scratching poison ivy.

1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy on the first manned mission to the moon. Much to Ralph's dismay, Alice was not on board.

2004 Martha Stewart was sentenced to five months in prison for lying about a stock sale, and then another five months of home confinement for just generally being a bitch.

BIRTHDAYS -
Will Ferrel is 41, twinkle toes Michael Flatley is 50 and Stewart Copeland of the Police is 56!

NEWS!
Thanks to shows like Dateline NBC and the internet's over abundance of pseudo news rags portraying child molesters and rapists, a case of McCarthy style unfounded witch hunting damaged a UK mans reputation as an upstanding citizen. A father of three enjoying a day out with his young sons in a U.K. park was branded a "pervert" by other park goers after taking photos of his own kids. Thirty-Nine year old Gary Crutchley was photographing his two youngest sons on an inflatable slide when a woman running the slide asked that he stop. When he didn't, other families waiting on the slide line also demanded he put the camera away. The accusations got so out of hand that Crutchley had to get two policemen to confirm he had done nothing wrong. The police confirmed he had in fact not broken any laws and actually looked "cute" in the sexy catholic school girl uniform he was wearing.

Finally this morning...a good at work time waster? It's a list of 15 things that are blurred out and you can't see on Google maps. Some of them are The White House, Dick Cheney's house, a couple air-force bases and so on..pretty cool stuff. CLICK HERE to see it.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 15TH, 2008!!

2008-07-15T04:06:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!

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WORD -
Limerance - An attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love.

ON THIS DAY -
1870 Georgia became the last of the Confederate states to be readmitted to the Union. It was however, on my mind.

1992 Arkansas Gov. Bill Clinton claimed the Democratic presidential nomination at the party's convention in New York City. Which meant he had to turn down a road gig with Bruce Springstein as the E Street Band's new sax player.

BIRTHDAYS -
Actor Terry O'Quinn is 56 today, Clive Cussler is 77 and Jason Bonham is 42

NEWS!!
The first story this morning is just....fucked up. Have you ever been in one of those crazy situations where six different things are happening...they're all bad... and it's like you're in a dream? You know, like when you've coated yourself in honey and you're trying to get all your alpacas back into their cages and hide all the kite-sized six nipple lingerie you have strewn about before your wife gets home...and you accidentally step on a bee hive? How are you supposed to think straight in times like that?? Well, in Salinas California a disoriented woman holed up in a minivan and repeatedly stabbing herself in the neck was shot to death by local police officers who thought the distraught woman was lunging at them with a knife or pick ax. Of course lawyers are coming out of holes in the ground for this one...but seriously...who wants a woman around who's so far gone that she's stabbing herself in the neck? Not this reporter.

Don't expect to go to the Olympics in China this year and be feasting on a Fido Funwhich..Dog meat has been struck from the menus of officially designated Olympic restaurants, and Beijing tourism officials are telling other outlets to discourage consumers from ordering dishes made from dogs. I asked my dog what he thought of this decision by the Chinese government...he looked at me for a second, yawned, licked his balls and went back to sleep.

Finally this morning, if you're anything like me then you've fantasized about putting jet engines on everything from lawnmowers to coffee makers. Popular Mechanics.com has a story about a guy who put a get engine on a go-cart. THAT guy obviously does not live in a subdivision with a homeowners association. Click HERE for the story.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 14TH, 2008!!

2008-07-14T04:02:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!!

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WORD OF THE DAY - naumachy - mock sea-battle

ON THIS DAY -
On July 14, 1965, the American space probe Mariner 4 flew by Mars, sending back photographs. Scientists examining the photos found a pile 4 miles high in the planets south pole of....missing socks.

1933 All German political parties except the Nazi Party were outlawed.

2004 The Senate voted 50-48 against a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. The gay community rejoiced!

BIRTHDAYS-
Mathew Fox, from "LOST", is 42, Actor Jerry Houser is 56, and Kyle Glass of Tenacious D is 48!!!

NEWS!!
Starting the Monday off with a story from the category simply called..."wha??". From the District of Columbia, police say one man was killed and another was injured Friday night when they stood up while riding on the open-topped upper deck of a bus and their heads struck a highway overpass. The men, both in their 20s, were heading to a Washington Nationals baseball game, so they were probably drinking. So that means that some shuttle bus company somewhere thought "why not?" when the idea was brought up to shuttle drinking baseball fans on an open topped double decker bus....under overpasses!!

A happy story from Texas...According to MyFoxDallas.com, Denton police said Benjamin Ramirez, 41, walked into the Pizza Patron wearing a wig and dark sunglasses and appeared to be holding a silver handgun. Surveillance video shows how he demanded money and slapped one worker in the face. 17-year-old Rudy Sandoval, didn't take too kindly to that. He fought back, and cold-cocked the robber straight into sleepy land were he stayed for several minutes before waking up and running out of the pizza joint where customers tracked him down an told police where to find him.

Finally this morning a good time waster. Found this one, as usual, on Digg.com. Very cool website with some amazing photos and videos of ships at see taking on waves 10 or 12 times their size. Amazing stuff. CLICK HERE FOR THE SITE!!

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 11TH, 2008!!

2008-07-11T04:03:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!!

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WORD OF THE DAY -
diplograph - instrument for writing two lines of text at once

ON THIS DAY -
1804 Vice President Aaron Burr mortally wounded former Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton in a pistol duel near Weehawken, N.J., bringing to an abrupt close his long running nickname given to him by native Americans..."Bad Shot Burr".

BIRTHDAYS
Leon Spinks is 55, wildlife expert Jeff Corwin is 41 and Richie Sambora from Bon Jovie is 49!!

NEWS!
In a move to help launch America further into the abyss of political correctness, Dallas County black officials have deemed black hole," "angel food cake," and "devil's food cake as racist slurs. Turns out they have a whole list of words that he wants to make racially "dirty" including black box, zebra, newspaper, light bulb and chair?? If they have their way then even those words would have to be scrupulously chosen before used out of context in public.

A Maryland state trooper has been charged with manufacturing a controlled substance after police found a marijuana plant growing near his home. Trooper First Class Steven Spoonire was suspended without pay after his arrest Wednesday night. The 36-year-old trooper is a 16-year veteran road patrol officer, and currently on tour with his Jamaican rap group Jurassic 5.

Finally, if you think you're job sucks and you sometimes daydream about some of the things you wanted to be when you were a kid...one of them was no doubt "Scientist". Well, if you ended up as a scientist in Argentina than one of your daily duties might have ended up being the guy who shoves plastic tubes up cows asses and attaching them to big plastic tanks you strapped to the cows back! That's right, a "bovine fartometer!!" The method is being used to measure cow farts in an effort to better understand global warming. What I think we really need is a similar device that attaches to presidential candidates that measures bullshit! Then we can all just vote for the dude with the smallest bag on his back...easy.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 10th, 2008!!

2008-07-10T04:11:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!!

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WORD OF THE DAY - keelhaul - to punish by dragging under keel of ship

ON THIS DAY -

1890 Wyoming became the 44th state. At 1:14 in the morning the first officially death by grizzly bear was in the books.
1964 The album "A Hard Day's Night" by the Beatles was released.
1991 Boris N. Yeltsin took the oath of office as the first elected president of the Russian republic. Not Borris Karloff, Boris Yeltsin...Borris Karloff would have been funnier.

BIRTHDAYS -

Ken Mellons is 43, Jessica Simpson is 28 and Ron Glass, played "Harris" on Barney Miller is 63!!

NEWS!!
Jesse Jackson said he wanted to "cut Obama's nuts off" yesterday just before going on live television, but not before the mics were turned on. Jackson was speaking to another guest at the time about Obama’s speeches in black churches and his support for faith-based charities. Jackson added before going live, "I want to cut his nuts off." What followed was a display of Olympic style back-pedalling not seen since a withered old white guy used the term "nappy". When asked to comment on the remarks later Obama said, "I don't even have my nuts right now anyway, Satan has them."

The Smithsonian's Museum of Natural History is putting its crystal skull on display starting Thursday. The skull, which has mysterious origins glorified by the latest Indiana Jones Movie, is sure to attract record crowds to the museum. Let's check the rest of the schedule for the year...hmmm....Ok, in September an authentic Light Saber will be on display for a straight month, then just in time for Christmas...Highlander will be in the lobby doing stand up comedy. Speaking of Highlander...at least they didn't ruin the Highlander franchise by explaining everything away with Aliens like they did with Indiana Jones....oh....wait.....

Finally this morning, a good time waster while you're cubing it today. "8 Crazy Stories From the ER". Here's one to wet your appetite: A morbidly obese man with a large abdominal pannus (image at right) came in exhibiting red, irritated skin around the abdomen. It looked like a routine skin infection. But what was the cause? During the exam, I lifted the pannus and a turkey sandwich fell from between his folds. The man said it was about a month old, which the smell confirmed. Read the rest of them HERE.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 8TH, 2008!!

2008-07-09T03:47:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!!

ARCHIVES

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WORD OF THE DAY - plimpplamppletteren The Dutch word for skimming stones.

ON THIS DAY - 1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled, then had her killed.

1850 Zachary Taylor, the 12th president of the United States, died in Washington, D.C., after serving only 16 months in office, which is why none of Jay Leno's "street walking" people know who the hell he is.

BIRTHDAYS - Tom Hanks is 52, Donald Rumsfeld is 76 and Jim Kerr from Simple Minds is 49...don't forget about him now...

NEWS!!

This isn't breaking news, but it's become a highly discussed topic lately at the water coolers of America. ABC News has forbid it's reporters to wear American Flag lapel pins or any other kind of patriotic insignia. Now you may ask yourself, what could possibly be the reasoning behind this absurd line of thought? ABC wants to remain neutral about "causes". Huh? In the opinion of Jack Sass Radio, gay rights is a "cause". Vegetarianism, however silly, is a "cause". Being proud to be an American and supporting our troops, even if...especially if...you don't agree with why they are fighting, is not a "cause". Being patriotic is your responsibility if you are an American. Can you imagine what life would be like right now if patriotism wasn't what it was during WWII? I'll give you a hint...little bitty upper lip mustaches would still be in style. The wonderful irony is that the people behind the growing national trend of Anti-Americanism only live in an environment where they can do that without persecution because hundreds of thousands of patriotic Americans were killed in wars guaranteeing that freedom.

JACK SASS RADIO - JULY 8th, 2008!!

2008-07-08T04:00:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S SHOW!!!